High Drama!!!! Part 4

This is the synopsis of a story I didn’t write or a series of messages I sent to a coworker

Read these first or you’ll be lost: part 1, part 2, part 3.

The players (past & present):

• Ben—a very clever eunuch
• Carson—a very dead, very corrupt captain of the palace guards
• David—a palace guard with an injury gained in war that makes it impossible for him to have sex
• The Emperor—the Emperor, an extremely horny man, easily distracted by a shapely figure and flirtatious smile
• Isolde—our heroine, a relatively murderous Noble Imperial Consort on a quest of vengeance while simultaneously scheming to gain the position of future Dowager Empress.
  • George—Isolde’s son, died at the beginning of this tale.
• Jane—Isolde’s maid, has useful medical knowledge
• Karen—former consort, former living human, bitch
• Lydia—former Noble Imperial Consort, quite dead now, a bitch who deserved it
  • Kevin—Lydia & the Emperor’s son, dead now at barely over a year old
• Mary—The Empress, quite the schemer, has 3 daughters and is currently pregnant
  • Quinn—Mary’s unborn-as-of-yet child
• Mary’s maid—her name doesn’t matter
• Nancy—Isolde’s sister, a bitch who was recently murdered
• Patricia—the Emperor’s Mother and current Empress Dowager

A quick recap:

Approximately three years ago George fell gravely ill. Isolde tried to get him medical help, but all the doctors were being hoarded by an obviously-not-ill Lydia and then Karen kicked the boy down the stairs and he was done for. Lydia and Karen both mocked Isolde and her newly dead son. Isolde vowed vengeance. Then pretended to be insane so that she could get trained in the art of seduction by Ophelia, an actually insane former consort/opera singer. Ophelia killed herself by burning down an entire palace and refusing to exit it once she finished training Isolde.

Isolde reappeared dramatically, seduced the Emperor, and spent some time methodically destroying Karen and Lydia, which ultimately lead to both their deaths. Isolde thought that maybe she was done, but the tragic death of Lydia’s son, Kevin (who was totally related to the Emperor), revealed that the true villain behind George’s death was Mary. Ooo! She’s in trouble now!

Mary, wanting to get rid of Isolde and Isolde’s unborn baby, brings in Nancy, Isolde’s bitch of a sister. Nancy seduces and has sex with the Emperor in front of Isolde, who was pretending to be asleep. Isolde conspires to make Nancy a concubine and then sabotages the gift Nancy makes/gives Patricia, the Dowager Empress, which causes BLOOD BATS! resulting in Nancy being demoted and indefinitely imprisoned in a palace. She was to be abandoned alone for the rest of her life, which I guess she was since she was murdered by Mary & her maid shortly after being imprisoned, but that wasn’t Isolde’s intention and she’s feeling rather annoyed that her sister didn’t get to enjoy years of isolation.

Now the battle between Isolde and Mary truly begins..

Let’s go!

Since the palace Nancy dies in was Isolde’s (who knew?), Mary starts spreading rumors that her ghost is haunting it, searching for someone to take revenge upon. She has her maid dress up as a ghost-Nancy and like roller skate around spooking people. Jane’s worried but Isolde, as usual, is not. Isolde instructs her people. They do not. She comes home one day to find the servants plastering fú talismans all over the building. Okay, something’s gotta be done or people are going to start believing that she’s actually cursed.

Isolde whispers her plan to Jane.

Some time later a heavily pregnant Mary is traveling back to her palace from wherever at night in a palanquin (which, having forgotten what it was called, I Googled “that carriage without wheels that uses people as horses” to find the word). Up ahead, in suspiciously spooky, bright-but-many-dark-shadow-inducing light there appears Mary’s maid in her ghost-Nancy costume acting all spooky. Mary is annoyed. She tells one of the servants to go tell her maid to cut it out. No one here needs to be spooked! Only… Mary’s maid is right next to her. “That’s not me, you Majesty,” she says right before she starts screaming and runs away.

Shit.

Everyone starts screaming and running away when ghost-Nancy shrieks and rushes them. The palanquin carriers drop the box and scatter. Mary freaks out and starts laboring early.

Jane shows up at Isolde’s palace to remove her costume and report Mary’s condition. Good, says Isolde, no one will think they’re cursed anymore and Mary’s in premature labor which is… funny? And could possibly benefit Isolde in other ways as well. What other ways? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thinking about it, I crafted this list:

• Mary dies. Vengeance is fed. Isolde wins. Yay!
• Childbirth puts Mary out of commission for a while, thus Isolde is safe from her machinations for a bit. Yay!
• Mary’s baby dies. Tragic, but it happens. Everyone decides Mary is cursed, she loses her position as Empress creating a void for Isolde to fill. Yay!
• Mary has a son several months before Isolde’s child is born, leaving a clearer gap in age between the two children than there would otherwise be, making Mary’s child the clear successor to the Emperor, thus maybe quelling Mary’s child killing urges long enough for Isolde to get rid of her. Yay!
• Mary’s premature baby is delicate enough health wise to distract her from her child killing urges long enough for Isolde to get rid of her. Yay!
• Things remain the same and are no worse off than she’s been. The risk was worth the reward because there was barely any of either.

Or something. IDK.

Anyway, Mary’s in labor and Isolde’s happy about it.

Giving birth is not what anyone would call easy, but Mary’s been through it three times before, so she’s mostly worried that about the sex of the baby. She really, really, really wants a boy. It’s the only thing that would completely secure her position. She needs for this to happen. Quinn is born. Quinn is a girl.

The Emperor is disappointed.

Mary is pissed. Psychotically so. But it’s okay! Mary can have more babies! She’ll just keep having babies until she has a boy. It’s fine. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

Is it though?

No, says Mary’s maid (who I realize now, I should’ve given a name, too late!). Mary can no longer have children, didn’t she remember? She’s been taking so many fertility concoctions to guarantee pregnancy and then to make a boy more likely, that her body will no longer be able to remain pregnant long enough for the fetus to prove viable. She was downing multiple potions daily for years just to get pregnant with Quinn and downing more potions during the pregnancy to try to get Quinn to grow the “correct” genitals. That it didn’t work doesn’t negate the damage it did to Mary’s reproductive organs. She’ll never be able to have a child again.

Mary FREAKS.

Seriously. Mary spends her recovery weeks screaming at the squalling infant. And more than once attempting to kill her. She’s only stopped by her maid who pushes Mary away from the helpless thing and then brings said helpless thing closer to her would be killer as said killer throws a tantrum on the floor. We’re talking a full on screaming and thrashing about while moaning about how unfair it is and how much Mary’s totally ruined life is the newly born Quinn’s fault.

There is much sobbing and gnashing of teeth.

Some weeks later, Isolde is in labor. The Emperor is pacing just outside the room. Jane is attending her. You can do it, Isolde! Push!

It’s a girl!!

The Emperor gives a disgusted huff and leaves. Isolde and Jane ignore him.

Oh no! Something’s wrong! There’s another baby in there. Push, Isolde! Push!

It’s a boy!!

Boy-girl twins are the best kind of twins! The only kind that aren’t brutally bad luck. Ben runs to inform the Emperor.

The Emperor rushes in overjoyed that he now has a son and successor! “You did it, Isolde!” he cries, “You gave me a son!”

“Yeah, I totally did this just for you, your Majesty.”

“I know!!!”

Oh, he’s totally throwing a party to celebrate. You can totally arrange everything, can’t you, Isolde? Yeah, of course, it’s not like she’s got to recover from shoving two living beings out of herself. She’s got the time and energy to plan and execute an elaborate dinner party right now. Sure, sure. We’ll have the party very soon.

Mary hears about Isolde’s lucky twins and is even more pissed than she was before. But she goes cold with it. Picking up her newly born daughter she vows to make the girl useful to her somehow.

The day of the party comes. Everything is perfect. Everyone attends. The Emperor is thrilled to present his son. Everyone toasts. He presents Isolde. Everyone toasts again. Everyone settles in to start eating. Hardly any time goes by before Mary starts screaming! There’s something wrong with Quinn! She’s not breathing! Did she choke? No! No! She’s only had some congee, nothing there to choke her! She’s dead! She’s dead! Mary’s baby’s dead! What’s to be done?!

The doctor comes. Sure enough the baby is dead. Looks like poison!

YOU! Mary points towards Isolde. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHY WOULD YOU KILL MY BABY?

YOU! The easily influenced Emperor also points towards Isolde. ARE YOU SO JEALOUS THAT YOU WOULD HARM AN INFANT? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHY WOULD YOU KILL MARY’S BABY?

*sigh*

“Please, your Majesty,” Isolde says, “I beg you to thoroughly investigate before you condemn anyone for such a crime.”

“WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?” shouts Mary.

“YES, WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE?” mirrors the Emperor. Does this man ever have an independent thought?

*sigh*

“It could literally be anyone. Not a week goes by where someone isn’t poisoning somebody else in this place,” points out Isolde. “Just, please, look into this more carefully than just taking one person’s words.”

“I’LL KILL YOU!” shouts Mary, lunging at Isolde.

“No, okay, you make a good point,” the Emperor says to Isolde.

“WHAT?!” shouts Mary, turning to the Emperor mid tackle.

“GET HER OFF ME!” shouts Isolde. Mary’s got a good hold of her hair and is trying to force her to the floor.

“In my defense, she’s hot and really good in bed,” the Emperor tells Mary, “and she did just give birth to my son.”

“GET HER OFF ME!” shouts Isolde.

“SHE HAD TO HAVE KILLED OUR DAUGHTER!” shouts Mary, “SHE ARRANGED THIS WHOLE PARTY!”

“You make a strong argument,” says the Emperor.

“No she doesn’t!” says Isolde.

“Don’t worry, dear,” the Emperor tells Isolde, “you make a good argument too. Plus you’re hot, good in bed, and recently gave me a son. I’m quite inclined to listen to you most.”

“THEN GET HER OFF ME!”

“Mary, go to your rooms. I’ll let you know when we can kill Isolde for poisoning Quinn. It shouldn’t be long. Her body’s a bit wobbly from giving birth recently and I’m feeling restless.”

Seriously, this guy’s got the brains of a toothpick and a moral character similar to Pepé LePew.

Mary stomps off, the Emperor wanders away to find a hot maid or something, and the guests disperse. Jane and Isolde check out the congee. The porridge is fine, but the spoon is poisoned. The spoon is not from Isolde’s palace. It doesn’t match any other spoon at the banquet. It must’ve been brought in. Jane thinks there’s something unique about the poison too. She recognizes the smell. This poison is particular to a certain family—the family Mary’s maid originally belonged to. Got ’em.

But let’s draw this out a bit…

Isolde goes to Mary and the Emperor. She and Jane tell them about the poison and its connection to Mary’s maid’s family. Mary is aghast, simply horrified that she brought such evil into her home. She immediately condemns her maid. Jane tries to say something but Isolde stops her. The Emperor condemns the now crying and pleading maid to death by torture. The maid is dragged off. The Emperor follows to watch and wench. Isolde and Jane leave to Isolde’s palace.

Mary seethes.

Jane asks Isolde why she didn’t also condemn Mary since Mary is from that family too. Isolde says that the Emperor would never believe that a woman would kill her own child unless he heard it from her mouth. So, let Mary feel like she got away with it for now. We’ll get her soon.

Soon comes.

Mary visits Isolde at her palace. They argue. Isolde gets Mary to admit that she not only poisoned George and Kevin, Isolde’s and Lydia’s sons respectively, but that she’d kill any of the Emperor’s children that were born to other women. She’d kill Isolde’s twins too. And so what that she killed Quinn? Quinn was just a useless girl. The best she could do was be traded for someone else’s ambitions. Might as well be Mary’s ambitions and death rather than the Emperor’s and marriage.

Jane comes out from behind a curtain holding a very much alive baby Quinn. In a flashback we see her and Isolde stumbling upon Mary’s plan. They switched the poisoned used on the poisoned spoon with that Romeo & Juliet fake death poison. Baby Quinn has just been in a very deep, deathlike sleep. Mary screams in frustration.

The Emperor comes out from behind another curtain (why Mary didn’t notice the excessive curtains up in Isolde’s front room, I don’t know). He’s absolutely disgusted with Mary. Even animals don’t kill their young! How could she?

“Oh, fuck you,” Mary tells him, “and that’s not an invitation!”

The Emperor tells Mary that in honor of their long acquaintance, and the fact that Baby Quinn lives, he’s not going to execute her, but she’s demoted to commoner.

“NO!!!” shouts Mary.

And she’s banished to the Abandoned Palace for the rest of her life.

The he, like, leaves. And he takes the guards that were also hidden in the excessive amount of curtains in Isolde’s front room with him. Like, for whatever reasons, they all leave Mary there. In Isolde’s living room. IDK, maybe they needed to go collect more guards? This palace city is incredibly inefficient.

Anyway, Mary starts whining about how unfair it was that Isolde was able to have sons. Two sons! Why did other women get sons while she only got daughters? She starts laughing maniacally and telling Isolde that she’ll get her back. She’ll get unvarnished and kill Isolde and Isolde’s children. Nothing but the gods can stop her.

Then she’s struck by lightning. A rather disappointing end to a vicious woman who deserved something much more brutal.

Jane tells Isolde that the lightning was sent by George. This is proven out by the sky clearing enough so that they can see the stars immediately after the lightning hit.

Isolde is made Empress.

Years later, Isolde is happily watching her children chase each other. Her twins and Quinn, I think, because sometimes there’s three kids chasing each other and sometimes there’s two. But who knows? This whole story has many parts that make absolutely no sense. That’s why it’s so delightful!

Jane tries to report to Isolde about infighting in the harem, but Isolde is not interested. She’s got her children and her position secured. She doesn’t want to bother with the machinations of desperate women anymore. Jane tells her that the Emperor keeps taking elixirs and visiting different women. Isolde doesn’t care. Let the Emperor do what he wants, she’s happy and that’s all that matters. In fact, she’s much happier now that she doesn’t see him. She will live here in her quiet corner and raise the next Emperor to be honorable, just, and good.

Sometime after that, not a lot of time, mind, but some, Isolde receives the news that the Emperor dropped dead in the bed of his newest favorite. His heart exploded. Probably due to the stamina elixirs he kept chugging. Or maybe from VD. Who knows? Who cares? Isolde and her son don’t!

Isolde’s son, who is maybe 6 years old, takes the throne with Isolde, now the Dowager Empress, acting as regent. He promises Isolde that he’ll protect his family, he’ll keep safe the ones he loves.

In a voiceover Isolde waxes sentimental about protecting what is important and what is important is family or some such. It was basically a more flowery oath that her Emperor son just made. Gosh she’s badass.

The end.