This has been a year. One started with the best intentions and it quickly spiraled out from there. So, what happened?
First, I got sick. I mean, that was really it. My period started and didn’t stop until 146 days later. I had a two-week break and then it started again. Queue the doctors’ appointments, blood tests, ultrasounds (both abdominal and transvaginal), and (horror upon horror, pain upon pain) a uterine biopsy.
Shortly after the first of many doctors’ appointments I lost my precious baby girl, Alice Strange Little Kitty, smol void, my last surviving cat (having lost my two boyos the year before in sudden and horrible ways).
Then there are the work and money stresses. All these tests and appointments cost money and my health insurance is not the best. At all. I only work part-time and am pretty broke. I was almost out of debt. No more. I’m $15K in the red and counting. Plus, work’s been kinda sorta restructuring. I’ve been trying to roll with it, but every new change has been for the worse and proves that my whole department, especially those of us in my position, is not valued at all.
Between the never-ending menstruation, anemia, kitty death, work stress, and accompanying depression I just couldn’t anymore. And I just let everything go. I haven’t cleaned my room since February. I’ve barely met any goals. I haven’t even kept to my budget (see above re: $15K). And have eaten almost nothing but sugar for the entire year. So I gained weight, quit exercising, and now I have high blood pressure and high triglycerides as well as my whole malfunctioning uterus.
Several months ago, I made the decision to request a hysterectomy because nothing else is guaranteed to fix my bleeding problem. Since then I’ve had several panic attacks. Not so much because I’m afraid of the surgery, but more because I’m upset because of my loss of options. This surgery is so final, you know? I’m feeling better about it now, but it was a tough go at first.
However
This year hasn’t been all bad.
I have this dream of saving up some money, buying a cheap sailboat, and spending a few years island hopping around the Caribbean, and then, if I still like sailing and can swing it, heading to the South Pacific to do the same. After that? Who knows, I’ll either keep sailing or otherwise figure something out. This year I’ve made some progress in making my dream a reality. I now have my first sailing certification and a more concrete plan (even if I have to push the timeline back another year due to debt).
This year I realized that what I want to do is actually possible. By me. Like, I can actually do this.
I also started making little dragon figurines out of polymer clay and realized I have a talent for shaping cute things with clay. More importantly, I really enjoy it. Now I have plans to open an Etsy shop sometime next year, the profits of which will go towards my sailing adventure.
Then, to a lesser extent (because of my general malaise due to health crap) I’m also feeling the urge to write more and have pages and pages of notes for stories, blog posts, podcast scripts, and even a novel. So I’m optimistic that next year I can pick back up all the balls I’ve dropped and start working on the things I love again.
Stay tuned.
Oh, and if anyone reading this is interested in my storytelling podcast, I’m hoping to get a new post up this month! I have a mostly written story about Tom Bawcock and since his day is coming up I thought I’d do my best to get it up. Look for it next week!
Knotting the Wind 